So here I am on a Friday night sitting home alone in the deafening silence with thoughts of him consuming me. The walls feel as if they are closing in around me and the air in the room is thick with the sadness that I am feeling. I turn on the radio and try to drown my emotions by turning the music up loud, but to no avail. This pain will not be ignored or muted by music. It will not relinquish it’s claim on me easily so it sinks it’s talons deep into my heart and grabs a hold. I resent the pain and the sadness for hurting me and at the same time embrace them because they remind me that even though I lost, I loved. “Honey and the moon” comes up on my playlist and now the sadness is accompanied by tears. A million images flood my mind. One minute he’s standing in my driveway in a green sweater with that twinkle in his eyes and that sweet boyish grin, then he’s standing at my door in his suit and tie kissing me and commanding me to cum for him, an image of him standing by his car in “our spot” telling me he had stayed away as long as he could and didn’t want to be without me. The images race in and out of my mind and the tears come harder and faster. My heart is shattered and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make it whole again. Nothing makes sense to me and the only thing I know for sure is that I have never felt truer love.